Its good...

Its good to feel good being single!

I'm at the place!

I'm glad to be single!

I'm glad to have my routines back!

I'm glad to have no distractions with my kids!

I'm glad to have a simple, complete, fun life with my boys!

So..

I guess I am disbanding this blog.. until otherwise noted!

...

I have had a few boys showing some interest in little ol' me!

I honestly, didn't want anything to do with that!

Its not for good.. just for the time being..

I'm happy where I am now.. the kids are happy! Everything is running very smoothly in the Hoffman household!

ok...

So. I haven't just turned into a pessimist..

I have always been one...

But now I really mean it!

Single.

Still.

No Such Luck!

I'm beginning to think there is really... no such thing as Love!

I've turned into a Pessimist!

Mr. Right....

Just a few things I'm looking for in Mr. Right.....

1. smart

2. handsome

3. likes kids

4. genuine

5. tall

6. speaks English

7. tough

8. sensitive

9. has hair

10. sense of humor

11. silly

12. good family values

13. close with his parents

14. is established

those are just a few... doesn't seem hard to find... does it...

YES IT IS!

How did you find your "Plus 1"?

Looking in the wrong places!

My dad always said I would find a good man at church!

I haven't been to church in 10 years plus...

I was brought up LDS, though have not been the traditional LDS gal.

Always breaking the rules and what not...

Maybe that has been my problem this whole time...

Looking in the wrong places!

(I'm about to confess)

I met my ex husband on.... OYE.. the Internet!

And the last boyfriend, before The Contender... and probably 5 boyfriends before that!

How embarrassing!

...

Being a single mom, I rarely got a chance to go out.

As i stated... I didn't go to church.

I didn't have a group..

I wasn't one to be set up!

My guy friends were just my friends!

...

I'm vowing never to meet anyone on there again!

...

Maybe church is the way to go....

but for the mean time... I'm off the market!

I'm done with Boys!

Bring me a MAN...

oh.. wait...

For the time being, I'm staying single!

Check back tomorrow..

Ive been known to change my mind!

...

A LOT!

Not really trying that hard...

I have pretty much halted all "finding love" efforts...

I'm not sure I am 100% into it..

The Contender and I are still speaking, and friends, and "poke" each other on facebook from time to time... but for the most part.. I'm still single, but not really looking to mingle.

Its these times in life, where I regain control over my SINGLE LIFE...

and embrace it.

I think I'm going to be one of those ladies.. 96 years old and that's when i meet my Mr. Perfect!

Might because I have lost my hearing, eyesight, sense of smell.. and hair...

but that's alright...

I'm sure he will be perfect!

Aching....

I'm missing The Contender....

Miss talking to him....

Miss texting with him....

Darnit..

Did I make a mistake?

Single... again.. I think!

What do you do when you want to spend time with your 'man'... but his routine and schedule are a higher priority?

...

The Contender and I... are splitsville.

Makes me sad!!!!

...

I broke it off today.

Seeing things so differently, who knows how they could be mended.

I have been faulted for wanting to spend more time with him.

Once a week, if that... just didn't cut it.

The time we would spend together, in each others company.. was the best time I have spent with a man in a long time.. Genuine time..

The effortless encounters where we would just fall into each others thoughts, and laugh, hug, kiss, and just be so happy, is what I'm going to miss...

...

The yearning for his attention when we were apart, was not something I was proud of... feeling inadequate, and sad that he would rather spend time at home, by himself, living his routine, was hurtful, and something I just don't think I could accept. I became this needy twit, that I have never been, and don't care to return too...

...

Yes, we dated for less then 2 months, not long at all...but The Contender and I have known each other for 15 years, and I really thought this was the time, we would shine.. and really have the chance to date!

I guess it was too late!

...

I think I should see a Therapist...

Will I ever find "the one"?

UGH.....

UGH.....

That's all I got.

How much am I fighting for this relationship?

Or

How much am I fighting to make it 2 months?

...

I suppose if I am asking those questions...

I just might know my answer!

Communication, you mean talking? I got this handled!

A lack of words has never been an issue for me!

As communication being a vital part of a relationship process,

you think i would be more a teacher then student!

...

When it comes down to it, I get so many different thoughts into my head at once,

I have a hard time expressing myself thoroughly!

...

Today, as a matter of fact, there was an issue that arose....

I text my way through it...

That was the only way I could get out what I wanted to say, rather then

writing a letter and waiting for it to go through the mail!

...

The Contender understands this about me.

He understands that my thoughts don't come out when im trying to talk to him, and sometimes I need to text it!

Thank you Contender!

...

We had a day of texting, serious conversing, and got some issues handled!

As The Contender said, "Its just stuff we need to talk about, talk through and over come"

I feel so much better, talking it through, and moving forward, then hanging on to it like I was, and holding us back!

2 Months... and YOUR OUT!

Its time to come clean! --- I have this dating habit. Lets call it a dating curse. Maybe that's not the best word either, Dating Pattern... yeah.. that sounds better. ... "The Contender" is very aware of this dating uncertainty... ... In the past, I have dated a few good men... Some real catches, and some total losers... but the outcome seems to be the same! ... 2 months of dating... and I dissolve the relationship. I am done. No Remorse. I lose complete interest. I can totally disconnect. ... I am really trying to find out the reason for my madness. Do I do it for fear that they will dump me someday? Do it because things get too mundane? Do i really know that hes NOT the one? All those questions are probably right... I have only been dumped 2 times in my life. I have always done the dumping! Man, what is wrong with me! ... The Contender and I, have a continuing conversation, that 2 months down the road, I'm going to lose interest and break up with him. We are nearing that 2 month mark. June 25th .... ... In reality, I'm actually nervous, that my past is going to take over, and its going to happen with The Contender. I really enjoy his company. We have so much history.

(My sister actually makes a joke, that i am trying to steal her story, since her current fiance, she new 17 years ago, and that is the same with The contender and I... and we both use to work together... its quite funny.) No matter what the case may be, we have a lot of chemistry, and never stop laughing when we are together! Which is fantastic! ... I secretly think that he is a bit weary about it too... I think when someone makes a joke about something, something that is serious, it is a real concern! Someone once told me, "You joke about what you think about!" ... So, I am trying to keep positive energy, and thoughts. Not wanting to jinx this relationship... I am defiantly an over thinker. I analyze everything. I'm a woman for goodness sakes... Not trying to get in my own way! ... Sometimes i think that i don't deserve a relationship. Maybe that time come and gone, and I'm out of chances. That thought actually passes through my head. Maybe i need therapy! ha ha ha ... So... lets hope for some good luck, and positive thoughts, for The Contender and I.. that we can actually make it past 2 months.... That's all I'm hoping for right now... We make it past that, I can come up with a new goal! Don't want to delve too far to the future, one day at a time. (I'm kind of hoping he doesn't read my blog.)

Sexy Mama

I'm not someone who takes compliments very well... When i get complimented by "The Contender" I always say, "No I'm not" "Your wrong" "Get your Glasses" "What do you want?" He gives me a sligh remark, like... "oh, so you think I'm lying?" -Long dramatic pause- "Your calling me a liar? ... Well, ....... kind of! So, being this woman who doesn't take a compliment, How does one change that about themselves. I mean, I don't think I'm disgusting... But, Sexy? Nah Hot Mama? Well.. maybe... How can men be so confident in themselves... and walk around slightly nudie.. Or right when they wake up.... and NOT care! ....and us ladies... (well, I suppose I am speaking for myself...) must cover up our goodies, so to speak? for sheer humiliation of our giggly parts being noticed by... "him" I would sleep in a velour suit, in the middle of an Arizona summer (which is HOT), just to make sure nothing is getting noticed, that shouldn't! I will wake up before The Contender, fix my hair, add a little blush and powder, then gingerly lay back down, as though angles just placed me there... ... I wonder if this is something I will ever get over... Will I ever believe I am that... "sexy lady" spoken about...

Dating Question

How do you fit in each others lives and routines? anyone? anyone? I'm having that thought today! Someone so regimented.... routines.... How do you work in their somewhere... with out selling out, and becoming a different person then what you were when you started, changing bits and pieces of yourself to fit? That would mean your changing yourself, no? Being too available, is there such thing? I guess this would be dating questions #31, 14 29 and 54... Obviously dating is hard. ... I'm dating. A fine gent! I adore him! We have a connection of friendship, before all this humbojumbo of the dating world, that is priceless... ... He being a very regimented individual. Me, having the boys.. and trying to make this a separate ordeal. So, I having limited time as well away from the boys.... I think, breaking a few routines on either side is key. Making space... making effort... It's been a month so far....

Hello.... Im Single... oops.. Jessica.

Good Day!

This is my new blog...

I am Jessica.... 33 years old, single mother, dating expert maybe...

I have dated.. now for 15 years

I have used many resources to meet "HIM"

I'm not bias.....

I've been set up!

I've online dated!

I met someone at a bar, club, concert.

I even met someone being followed home from school to my parents house!

I have been close to L O V E... a few times....

all false alarms!

I have been engaged 3 times.

Married 1 time.

...

Thinking i have found.... THE ONE!

(music plays of opera, and butterflies are released!!!)

...

but to find out..

he is the one all right... he is the one NOT for ME~!

I have many dating flaws!

TOO many to list on this post... but I'm willing to better my dating techniques...

But i also bring to the table fun, affection... and many good traits too...

...

I am dating at the moment!

A certain British Colombian. Canadian if you will..

I'm going to call him, The Contender! ... Its so nice to be dating, someone not crazy!

Being courted, going out... I have actually known this handsome gentleman for nearly 15 years... I use to work with him, and we have crossed each other from time to time... always having chemistry, but not exactly taking this step.. to actually be dating each other! we have been sharing sushi, watching movies, cocktails on patios, Starbucks and bbq's.. Butterflies in my tummy when he calls and sweaty palms when i see him..

...

We both have very different lives.... so to make them work together....

Well,

How do you make it work?